Nostalgic fever

 No matter where we go there are places which are placed so well, in symmetry and in perfect harmony- right now am caught in this visual trap, seeing things and am like "I know i have not been here but I have felt this before, same tender in the breeze , same chill in the air pocket, somehow the overall position of the natural picture- trees, bushes and fall of the leave are all strategically positioned"

                Remembering my college, so insignificant I felt , caught up in the crowd and I was just a part of the unruly mob. Alone all to myself, trying to carve my own history in that heavily burdened place. Doubted to myself would that glorious day come to pass? As I could remember to myself I never framed that question, I was not that ambitious explicitly or I never made it seem very ambitious for I was not matured enough to be having an ambitious life, never had the words to articulate it. But unconsciously I was conscious that I had to make it big.

                   I had a glorious exit as I could remember, just like the old school days. A person from whom things were expected in life.

                     Right at this moment am sitting here in an open field at JNU campus, place where think tank work meticulously. A park all to myself, this time I am more than sure that I have to make it big but the transient period taking longer than expected. The same thought that swayed me years back now at the back of my head - And the perfect geometrically positioned nature augmenting it. 

Duress happy daughters day (poem)

Scream from the top of the voice,

Let no one hear it.

Cut this skin fathomless,

Let no one descry this noxious scars.

Become numb, callous and call it strength.

See what love has betide me to.

This is love I deserve,

A second hand  love,

Love I know so far.

I nurture this ardour;

My repast I feast on.

Love so pure, I don't know why it taste like venom.

Maybe the alchemist potion it wrong,

But this is love I know.

Nine month bio-quod,

Forever now in virtual prison.

Cage much better; if evident,

For people pity my plight.

Here I reckon alone!

Soul of mine shrieks,

So loud and so silent.

I say peek into it, hear it;

They turn a deaf ear.

A fault not of theirs but mine to take.

Evince a different side of love,

and I would be awed.

Is there love different than this?

Or is it a myth I mused?

Heaven please riposte me!

Recalcitrant me (poem)

Recalcitrant me.

Clutch in philosophical transient me,

The wonders of men fascinate my mind.

In pursuit for the unruly; 

I shrug off my lover.

His voice I heeded little,

For my soul occupied for thee ashes.

I knew thy love, presumed it would wait forever.

I settled for mire, I bate my appetite.

I walked through  valley of death,

Dry run my life; how fatuous I became.

Horrendous  fatal I made,

Yet I walk the valley of death.

My thew couldn't support my bustle.

Broke down, to hear from my lover.

Thy smiled on me; said-are you through.

Yea wait on you to take me through.

                  I commit to you again Jesus!!

Me minus salvation

Me minus salvation

Something in me eats me deeply, desires that surges like waves.

The very reason why I hate me, for being so selfish, I wonder almost every time , how can this be, is it really me- being human. If that's it , now I know what is more dreadful than anything , anything that makes me human.

            Being a brother, a lover, a father, they all pave me to end of me.

I have a selfish desire which I have to keep, not for every one to see, I have a secret to hide because I fear being caught living as human. Is this the reason why people conceived a mask!! 

                  I say am firm, I  am upright, true to my character but do they know how much I scuffle with the likeness of me belonging to this earth. 

         Dust I was dust I become, even my heart made of dirt, how dare i say my heart is pure and clear as crystal. Maybe that's the reason why I can't be of heaven for I am made of earth. How i wish dust were from heaven!!

            My love, am sorry ill sooner leave you, the sooner the better. I have stayed with you long and the mystery is gone. New love awaits for me, more fascinating than you were, she, made with more elegance , am sure heaven took time to draw her face. We had our time , I needed somebody to hold me for then, am glad you held well- well its good bye for now. Your mystery held me long enough till some one a bit more proficient came and replaced, I can't lie to you anymore now that's my alibi. Am just human.

              Top is where my place is, i want it empty and for me alone, I won't mine pulling down few as long as am at the tip of it. And well if it gets heavy I wont mind shaking off handful of ties, of course nobody like strings attached, much easier when unhooked. Man are means to my end, lately my principle took some rough patches so I made some changes to suit my situation- it does not make a difference so long nobody gets killed. Everybody is entitled to opportunity, there must be some equity . I care less because everybody would have done the same had they had sense barring to mine. It's just how the world runs, well I too have dozens of mouth to feed and not a crime either.         

                                              The feeling does not leave me, the desire is as real as The flesh, I don't know where i imbibe the traits but it's mine forever to keep. Why I give, for i expect to be reciprocated, not here for charity but for a social cause to me, what would society be if they don't have the best of me. I am part of it and I should preserve myself for it as an epitome for them to see who never cared an inch.

                       Is it sin to be human? If yes, then I am very much part of the crime as the creator. I can't help it when am made this way, an antidote would help if it does exist. Not sure what kind of freedom they are yelling for down town but am sure this is what I want freedom from. Is death, the solution? what if it still follows me until end of eternal, what if my soul too made up of ashes from the shore. How do I reckon this? My life time went by hating myself and till eternal! Yeah   It's cold in here,  took me to the point where am about to meet death but far enough to let me live with .

                      friend, you were nearer than my lover, told my stories which were hidden to my lover but the trust is gone for now. They say the world function with only one currency, the trust. Well you know now why we can't be what we were. Strangers we meet and that's how we depart, don't take it to your heart, am only human and heart made of dust, the trust turned to rust, it's time to say good bye. Don't take it to your heart pal, don't take it to your heart.

                 I wondered on what mom said, I cried high and loud when I was born, of all the emotion why cry when I could have smiled, laughed, thoughtful  or thoughtless . Uhhu All human born that way, I ,not the first one. Could not help but be convicted the day I set my foot on earth, convicted of the gross crime I knew not of but by virtue of being human.

I need my attorney to fight my acquittal, but nobody of trust worthy and they themself fighting on their behalf to be free of the judgement. 

                    It did infest every soul, Me, whom I trust most with much symptoms. It's a sad world , sadder than what poems expressed, flooded with selfish ,sick souls. I hear no cries but sees perfected expression face, an art we have had learned in helplessness. They call it strength but a sight of death people walking,  blood rushing, heart beating, biologically alive animals, they survive; so are we alive? undo which definition?

                         My confession, not a secret anymore for this disease is on all race, white and blue it do not discriminate, all it knows is to make sure the gestation of a perfect human takes place, and there lies the inception of disease, a perfect human, a perfect being.

And everyone is a perfect human non is less than thee, there lies the flaw, a perfect being with perfect desire, with perfect passion , chiseled with perfect emotion. Thus every one is perfect in itself being a human and human, being itself is sin, a crime. And yes I am a human, can someone somewhere please do something about it!!

                           

         

Fifth season of the sun (lyrics)

Apollo get me another season,

Send me rays of hope.

From your flaming orb that's burning,

And Push the brink of night.

Wrap me in your gold arm 

bless me with your warm flair.

In my fifth season of the sun

Take me there, my season of the sun.

Brilliant cascade on the sky,

Thousand butterflies fill my sight.

Dozens rainbows at a time ,

In my fifth season of the sun.

Mother earth  turn round and round

Till you get my impeccable season.

When those iridescent rays shine on me,

And dissolve with heavenly breeze.

Shrink all of my worst time,

Sway all of my bad days.

I don't wanna miss a thing,

Wish I could just freeze those in time.

Never thought November be so fine

With those memories in my mind.

                        

                 ....... i would like to thank my ex band mate(ALICE IN WONDERLAND) for motivating me into this and any soul who did push me into it, u did had your contribution, "never thought november be so fine with those memories in my mind"

                                                      2010may, Moasunep jingru.

How loud is your "opinion"

framing an opinion is an utmost indispensable character of a perfected mind

and sticking to it is another facet of the same trait.

Both unequivocally should be modus operandi and if not should be aim of every boy becoming of a man.

So does it mean every opinion is valid for this criteria?

The answer is a big NO NO, being an opinion do not fit under this definition,

in that case everybody has an opinion, a kid has an opinion of feeding him more  

cookies and ice-cream, it wont be wise of anybody to heed to such.

Basis for framing one is simple and yet so not simple,

deducing your opinion from facts under a solid principle which you know and know in your heart that it has never failed you or your predecessor.

And its always adviceable to get the facts right and not bending your principle as it fits to your daily convenience, else the credential of your very principle is under 

a big question mark "?"

A big caution sign for all- dogmatism, religionalism, liberalism, and for the matter of fact every 'ism' carries a spirit and never have been helpful, but in 

creating a greater ebb and bigger gap in relation.

Your opinion says everything about you,

your  belief, construct of mind, sophistication, conscience and many more.

Just hear out an opinion on political issue you will know the content inside their head.

A writers essay gist can be carved out by his various identity he is associated with.

Never the less there has been some anomaly in certain abnormal situation which has its own varied explanation.

And people who cannot identify themselves with any concrete principle are easily carried away by distorted facts ending up more confused.

So how important is an opinion is now a question of manhood,

it defines your quality of being human.

Just like a nation foreign policy is  as predictable as it reflects its history and its soul, the theory remains un-faze for every being.

Changes are inevitable but is it a retrograde or an upgrade?

Principles are conditioned to same, yes it seems a bit contradicting with what was mentioned above, "bending your principle" -but never ruled out the option of resilience.

Also stating the fact that ones principle should never fail you or your predecessor points out to the fact that anything in morbid state should be upgraded or at worst replaced.

This are not Ten commandments to forming opinion but at the best be called as kindergarden essay on one.

Not to be mistaken for a theory or any of that sort,

just some basic actuality every person intending to leave  senility should care to know.

"Opinion is a way to dialogue between gentlemen, anything more or less is fundamentalism or uncertainty" _ moasunep jingru.

Our education system

One thing am sure of our system is,
its trying to retrograde a persons inquisite mind.
The very art of rote is under heavy cogitation.

Man would not be Human is he loses the very essence of thinking,
the mere act of repetation would make us less different from machines.

Man by nature tends to break away from anything that is reduntant, monotonous.
Evolution has always been true for human in terms of biological and cognition.
Anything which aims to halt its progression will lead to dis-equilibrium,
and since our very cognitive progression is put at stack , it risk the human as unit and society at large.

Invention, development, inception of various social intitution and the greatest human invention ie
goverment are not product of mind which have only repetitive ability but of a sound inquisite mind.

This very ability was not bestowed upon man to divest into a less useful one,
which our education system has successfully done it, and has prepared syllabus meticulously to kill a student mind.
The course should best be named as-'learn How to successfully kill your mind in 18years'

Not to forget the benefits being savor from our edu-system but the foundation and principle on which it stands are super-flawed.
It should be multidirectional rather than unidirectional, focusing on creating a sound and inqusitive mind.
There are countless eminent figure of whom did not succeed in a tailor made edu-system but fitted themselves into list of academic echelon.

Man has inherited this heavenly nature of creation, to create  whether it is physical or of  intellect,
this ability has set everything into equilibrium- if one take into consideration of our growing population, modern tech and invention has made our system to be capable of sustaining it , augmented by our ever evolving economic and social theories.

To make this essay a less academic and more of a light to unenlighten minds,
i would  love to give it a u-turn by adding our aesthetic needs ie art, literature, music and philosophy.
This are assets which need a highly creative mind and has become indispensable human need.
This need of human demarcates a human with empathy and animal.

Every man has right to question what he is following ,
human are the only bird which cannot be held in cages of principalities and irrationalities.
But how to decide which is best and which is not?
All of this answer lies in the mind and the spirit which has to be adhered sooner or later.

Every  revolution  buds from an inquisite mind.
system of ape has been a tool to colonial country to hold colonies subservient to it,
tool to sadducees and pharisees to serve their need.

We believe what we see and hear and thus limiting flow of information by a fix syllabus makes mind redundant.
There is unending and undiscovered pool of information in this universe,
and limiting ones knowledge to what others had already digged  is not a novel idea by itself to  pursuit religiously.

Me and GOD

like any other day i got up, started my day off.
Expecting a good day out of this typical hot Delhi weather.
so there came in my room mate, complaining like always,
"why is it so hot, its a bad day " blah blah and so on.

Never have i seen this person saying any good news, am trying my best to be neutrally decent here.
Every news is about scandalous issues,
Am very particular about my input, yes-what goes inside has to come out.
This is the basic theory of equilibrium.

One thing i should tell you about me, i have an allergy towards complains,
it just gets into my guts and gives me a feeling as if am gonna throw up the moment i hear one.
so this room mate of mine is definitely giving me an over dose.

So here i am, one on one with GOD, ready to sort out the odds.
i started the talk "why people complain sooooo much, they have the best
of everything but all they do is complain about every futile issues".

I paused expecting for a reply, something like "yooh man, they don't get it,
they are fools, am glad you are not one of them.... you are the one to teach them, ill mould you"
I was expecting a reply which would elate me at the moment.
but to my surprise GOD was still silent.

The only hint i could infer was, GOD is expecting me to say more.
so there i was , with a scroll and my speech printed on it.
Just like a toilet paper roll, i had it on my hand.

I continued-why people protesting outside the tis Hazari court,
fot the matter of fact where ever it maybe.
Are they not christians!! but they know not of your ways.
They are suppose to show their other cheek,
This is only gonna bring more repercussion ,
Annihilation of minority is just a blink away.

I put my heart beat at ease, softening my tone.
"Why every one is playing with stones, when every ones abode is of glasses"
out of nowhere i commented on Israel,
I went on-where have they been all this centuries,
And now they claim on their ZIONISM.

Look what they have done, they have dispel all the poor palestinian.
I know they are not Jews or christians but they sure are your creation.
why do they have to pay for what went wrong with history,
And yeah the Jewish never accepted your own begotten son,
the one whom you love so much- they still abound in your grace,
and your wrath still waits on them.
Is there any justification to that, tell me!! tell me!!

With out a speck of impression i was questioning MY GOD.
The alpha and the omega, the creator of the universe where
 i myself is a dust for the dust .

By the moment i had realised, there was a silent hush which had fallen.
I had made too much of a redundant  petition.

Just like a kid who knew what he had done, and certainly a penalty was expected of it.

I too had this on the back of my mind.

But sooner an overwhelming and elegant grace toke me by surprise.

like a movie would portray, GOD speaking in a loud voice 

all the way from the other side of the mountain.

Well hey, GOD whispered to me.

Like a lover speaking into his lovers ear,

like a Dady holds his little Julie and whispers love and care.

This is what it felt like.

" i know you don't like hearing complains,

but i love to hear yours, i would never turn a deaf ear on you or any one.

I know people are suffering and they are not responsible for it,

whether they are from palestine or Rwanda, 

for the matter of fact even you.

You see your past, your present 

but i see your glorious tomorrow , and the glory that will be bestowed over this world.

You say that you don't complain but i know what troubles your heart.

They sure troubles mine too.

Just wait and taste that i am good to you and to all my creation.

Ill turn your mourning into your  rejoicing.

let history rewrite and reveal the goodness of me.

........ that was all for moment,
what amazes me is, HE never make it too much or too little.
That was all i needed to know at that point.

My mom always flood me with advice at the point when i need the least,
Just incase i might need it later.
But the anomaly of advice is, it do not get better with time.
Best served when its hot and steaming.

....... well here i am, waiting for another encounter, just as a pagan awaits the 'oracle',
here i am waiting for the specific  word i need to know at this point of time!!